i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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