We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
