Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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