she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
