real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
