How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
