I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
