Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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