My friends, they love my intelligence
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
