Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
