I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I have tasted many bathrooms
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
