Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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