all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
