He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she smelled like a LAN party
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
