Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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