My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
