my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
