chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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