I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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