Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
