her vagine was all disorganized.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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