I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
