my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
