it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
