If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize