I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
