Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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