If i need to get strippers involved i will.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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