you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
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