this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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