I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
