I wish I could punch you in the face.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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