he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
