In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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