Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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