Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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