I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
