You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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