You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Where is the hickey?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
