I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
