I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
