lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
