i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
