Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
