just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
