I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
