Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize