you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
