When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
