literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm jealous of your bromance
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
