she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
