I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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