You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
