i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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