I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize