You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
