If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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