Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
