do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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