I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
