I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
