I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Randomize
