One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I did not marry a roomba.
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