you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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