God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
