Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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