a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
