it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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