OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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