Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
