Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
People in love make me want to vomit
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
