I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
