I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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