I'm lost and stupid without you.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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