I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
