It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
