Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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