Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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