Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
