Dual....:-)
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
