Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
