So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
