marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
