let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
