Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
