The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Holy shit dude........stairs
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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