I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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