I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
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