My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize