please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
