is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
