mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
