i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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