I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
