nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
