Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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