Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
