I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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