i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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