the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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