How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
