Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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