so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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