Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
