She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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