thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
