Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
