The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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