i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
