Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize